I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
