I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Operation Purity has been aborted
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
