i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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