You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
