my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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