the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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