She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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