dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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