I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
