I've blown a few things in my day
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
