you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
