I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
