Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
