Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
