What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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