He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
