is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
