Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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