My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
