Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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