also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
