NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
