apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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