Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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