I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
