i think my mom watched the whole time
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
