sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
