Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
