Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
