So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
