47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
