I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Randomize
