i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
It was like giving head to a cactus.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
