i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
