got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
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