dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
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