the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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