i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
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