just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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