i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
