before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
