Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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