mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Randomize
