The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
