After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
