chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
