he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
