We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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