Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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