party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
