"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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