My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
