im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
