I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
