I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
